A Letter To Myself

Dear Me,

I hope you are doing better today
There's so much on my mind
So much I would like to say
If there was one thing
I could warn you about
Is that never fall in love
When you have all those doubts
You know
The ones that eat at you
From on the inside
Keep that in mind
Whenever you decide
To go for the heart
Remember this now
Before it tears you apart

Next thing for you
To always remember
That this is your life
For you to hold
All together
No one dictates to you
Who to love
The only one to judge you
Is God up above
Don't ever let others
Make you feel less than number one
Because if you do
You'll be negative...done

You are worth more
Than the sum of all your parts
There are two things
To keep guarded
That's your spirit and your heart
Never let another someone
Take advantage of you
Tell you that they love you
Then cheat all over you
Sneaking another lover
In the back door
While they are smiling at you
Then make you feel like
The bad guy
When they have to choose
And the choice ain't you

You are better than that
Deserve better than that
You need to suck it up and
Get over all of that
Yes, I know you are feeling
Like Hell right now
But there are people all around you
That will lift you up now
Go ahead and let the tears flow
It's time to cleanse
Your heart and your soul
Let the emotions and all that anger flow
You gave all you had
And now have nothing to show
For it
And all the times you thought
Were legit
It's old news now
It's all old hat
Tell that one who let you go
What you think about that
Let them deal with all the pain
And the strife
It's now up to you to get on
With your life

Love ain't ever over
It's just begun
You can start all over with another one
And this time remember
It's all about you
Don't take less than the best
When it comes to you
Someone who is loyal
Someone you can trust
Someone who won't be
Stepping out on you
Spreading love to everyone else but you
Yes, I know you were deeply in love
Just remember what they did to you
That wasn't love
You were taken advantage of
You know that was true
It was all about them
And never about you
They got what they could
And then moved on
They just forgot to tell you
And now they're gone

So clean up the pieces
Of that beautiful broken heart
It's a mosaic now
A piece of valuable art
When you glue it back together
With the love you get again
It will be perfection
And will beat for you again
You are worthy
You are loved
You are extraordinary
You are the one
The one who makes a difference
In so many other lives
Stop dwelling on the heartache
And the one who left you behind
Step out on faith
Step out on love
You got the support
Of your real friends
And the One from up above

And in closing
I would also like to say
Life is worth living
There's more that your missing
So live instead of merely existing
And everything will be OK

Sincerely, well, Me

In the Beginning...

While I sit here writing this the house is unusually quiet. My sister, niece and great-nephew are visiting friends who are about to embark on a journey south where they are moving. I am seriously thinking about stowing away in their moving van right before it pulls out. I don't they would be pleased to find me among the living room furniture when they unpack though.

Mom and dad are, well, I don't know where they are. Mom was bored, dad was reluctant, especially with the snow coming down. But dad likes to keep her happy. You know the old adage, "Happy wife, happy life"? So, there they go for parts unknown.

I find myself thinking a lot about what has unfolded the last few weeks in my life and it's opened the floodgates of a gamut of emotions. After a lot of praying and worrying (yeah, I know we're not supposed to do that but I am human so get over it already!) I got a new job, left former jobs (one of which I miss VERY much) and have been through a very emotional relationship change in my life. I am still nursing those wounds and my heart and soul are trying to heal. When someone hits you with this kind of thing, it's like having the air knocked out of your lungs and you can't catch your breath, for what seems like an eternity.

I am praying to God every moment of every day possible. Not just because of that but because I am left with the question of "what do I do now?" Well, actually two questions. "What am I here for?" works too. I feel lost, confused and out of touch. Now I am praying to God for guidance, inspiration, healing, protection and insight. I know that's a lot to ask for but He did say, "ask and ye shall receive". So, I am asking!

I know one thing for sure, I miss my family. Yes, I know I live with most of my immediate family, but I miss my other family members. Cousins, aunts, uncles, and close friends who are family too, all of those who live close but we hardly ever see because of life. It gets in the way. We all work and have families we are taking care of, well, OK, I don't but they do. But I miss them all very much. And I need them right now. I need to feel loved and safe. I need to laugh and love them back and maybe even cry really hard while holding on to a really tight hug! There's nothing in the world like a really good cry on the shoulder of someone who loves you unconditionally and doesn't judge.

I know this seems a little heavy on the seriousness for my first time out, but it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to! But I needed to get these things off my chest and I know the people who love me the most will bear with me and give me advice as needed.

All of you who are reading this mean the world to me. And I appreciate each and every one of you! Hang in there with me. It will get better from here.